I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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