life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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