During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
