im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
