I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
