I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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