Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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