She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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