Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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