I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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