1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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