they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I intend to get homeless drunk
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
