We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize