You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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