can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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