I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
