she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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