it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
