ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
