i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
