After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
