dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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