dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
