you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
