that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
