She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
