The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
