i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
