ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
