Me. At least after what I've been through.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
