shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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