What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
