I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
