Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
