so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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