I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
