Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
