Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
do nipples grow back?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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