So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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