So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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