Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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