I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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