coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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