I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
too bad you live with your parents still
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
