Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
