News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
