Nicole vs. Life
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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