i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it's like heaven, but drunker
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
