never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
