Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
