so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
