where am i from again
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
