So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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