meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
