So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
