i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat