Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
