I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
