im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
