We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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