I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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