I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
