i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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