I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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