I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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