I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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