Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(319): View more from Iowa

By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"

Fav 14 5638 1446
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(503): View more from Oregon

I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...

Fav 6 4633 1140
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.

Fav 6 4126 1334
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(551): View more from New Jersey

Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me

Fav 9 1162 1976
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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.

Fav 11 1386 1754
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(906): View more from Michigan

It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.

(1-906): View more from Michigan

Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.

Fav 8 1815 918
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(571): View more from Virginia

Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!

Fav 5 2053 883
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(408): View more from California

If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical

Fav 0 833 566
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(218): View more from Minnesota

Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.

Fav 0 88 43
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