Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
