discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
