Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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