My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
